Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. ~Veronica A. Shoffstall, "After a While," 1971

How am I?

Dear blog, sorry for not writing for so long.

Recently I realized that I have some major changes on myself.

I’ve been emotionally unstable again. However, I did manage to get hold of myself and overcame my own insanity.

I’ve been losing my self-discipline lately. Did not take actions most of the time for the things that I want to do. Procrastination. I find it really hard to take the first step of self-discipline after losing it. I have not been hanging out with most of my friends that is precious to me.

I want to be able to quickly take actions on whatever decisions I made. I want to respect time. I want to be able to be more efficient in what I’m doing. I want to have less emotion down-turn. I want to smile more. I want to be happy always. I want to be less calculative. I want to always think positive. I want to be a smart learner. I want to be physically and mentally fit. I want to be surrounded by friends that can encourage and support whatever I do without any judgments on me. I want to be a good person. I want to be able to truly express myself how ever I want to without people judging me. I want to improve myself.

If today were my last day, what will I do? I do not know. Am I to spend my time doing the things I like most? Or spend doing things that is my duty but not something I truly want.

What do I want the most in life? I do not know. Maybe, just by being happy will do.

However, sometimes losing life’s purpose isn’t that bad: when once in awhile remembering things that I truly want and dreamt of in life, that will be a relief.

As for love life, I believed that I’ve found someone better and suited me better. However, life isn’t that easy even though a better person came into your life. My honeymoon period is over. It is time to come back to reality. I will do my best to learn and accept what he truly is (good and bad points). In this relationship, I’ve learnt more about perseverance, patience, tolerance, respect, non-judgmental attitude, etc. I am still not able to full be a good girlfriend, but I’m doing my best.

In addition, this relationship is objected by my father due to same surname. I truly hope that my father would be able to respect me as this is my own life. I respect his traditional point of view, but I hope that he can respect mine as well.

I know that I have not been tending the garden of my life that much. Too much weeds around now. Hopefully I would be able to take the first step and start a much-stronger-and-self-discipline-attitude.

That’s all for now.