Wednesday 22 December 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #22

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I've got a new rabbit yesterday. My first pet. He's just 3weeks old. But he's so approachable and warm-hearted. Although he's still fragile and weak, he's still energetic in his own way. Lovable indeed. ^_^
  2. Managed to study some for exam. Eventhough it is not much as I expect myself to absorb in this duration. Well, looking things at half-full is better than half-empty.
  3. My complexions got better after expose less to air-conditioning. Really harmful to my skin.. dehydrated my skin..made me more wrinkles and looked rough.
  4. Learning to let go of my attachments towards the rabbit. Otherwise, I would not be able to sleep well, study well and eat well. Glad that I am able to realise my own suffering early so that I know what to do for myself.
  5. Although I am anxious and feeling more stress for exam as the days got nearer. I am able to calm myself and reassure myself that I will be able to cope with the exam with enough knowledge to build my confidence. =D

His name is Le-Le. As in Kuai Le means Happy in Chinese.

Wednesday 1 December 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #21

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I came to realise that things aren't as bad as it seems. After cooling my head, I am capable to see so much good sides of him. Even more, I am able to feel his sincere love for me. I suppose that when all is well, the end is well. =D
  2. Get to do a little bit more for the Group Project. A small contribution weekly, it will reap a mountain of efforts in the end. Synergy!
  3. Get to watch finish Hong Kong drama: No Regrets. Wonderful drama, good lessons and stories to learn.
  4. Realised that I no longer bathe almost 1 hour. Somehow I've managed to fasten my pace in grooming myself... that I only require +/- 30minutes.
  5. Happy to live yet another day that is filled with wonderful lessons for me to learn. ^_^

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #20

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I get to study a bit for PED. Managed to understand a little bit more from example sheet.
  2. Watch drama whole day.
  3. Feels like weekeend.
  4. Trying to forgive him for lying to me. Hope that I can trust him. Is he telling me the truth? I don't know. Atleast I can assumed that he still care about my feelings that he had to lie to me.
  5. I am grateful that my head is clear, that I don't throw tantrum like a few years back. I am able to control my emotions better. I don't care what others think about how emotional I am. Atleast I know that I have improved. And I will keep on improving.
  6. Learning to love and protect myself.

Saturday 27 November 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #19

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I got a new lappy: Mini HP from streamyx unipax. =p
  2. Dyed hair.
  3. Eat nice home-cooked noodle for lunch and delicious restaurant seafood dinner.
  4. Read manga and watch drama.
  5. I realised that I must start studying..Woan Wei, you can do it!! >o<

Sunday 21 November 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #18

I am happy and thankful that...
  1. I have recovered from sickness 90%. Yay! ^o^
  2. Managed to do and complete weekly individual report for group project in 3hours.
  3. Had hair treatment and good massage.
  4. Rested well and watched tv.
  5. I think I've slim downed a bit. Hehhehh.. xD

Saturday 20 November 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #17

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I got to rest more, and managed to recover a little bit from fever and flu.
  2. Able to finalise the group project questionnaires yesterday.
  3. Being cared for.
  4. Get to live another day.
  5. I'm sweating! =p

Wednesday 17 November 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #16

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. Eventhough that I am sick again(the 2nd time of the month), I am able to get the best out from it.
  2. I managed to do 10% of my EMA2 lab report and small findings on the economics part for the group project. I consider this to be a productive day.
  3. Had a large piece of Tiramisu cake in Secret Recipe.
  4. Enjoy eating banana, apple and drinking tea.
  5. Get to lazy around yesterday.
  6. Decided that I would like to drop Mathematics for ODE, and take-up Mathematics for PDE. Found that the lecturer whom I respected is teaching MPD. Hope that I get to switch to this subject, and be able to cope with this subject with flying colours.
  7. Catch up with a friend of mine after years of not keeping in touch.
  8. Glad to know that there's still people looking into my blog.
~I smile with my eyes closed~

Wednesday 3 November 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #15

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I've managed to overcome my negative self day-by-day and being mindful bit-by-bit.
  2. Managed to exercise twice already this week.
  3. Have a good mangas reading. - I' really excited with what is going happen in the next chapter for every single manga.
  4. Managed to contribute more for my group project.
  5. Managed to study a wee bit for FWA subject. - hoping to start PED studies soon.
  6. Relationship ups and downs. Glad that I've managed to handle it with less negativity, and with more love.
  7. I'm learning to forgive myself bit-by-bit.

Saturday 23 October 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #14

I am happy and grateful that...
  1. I am back home.
  2. Eat dinner with family.
  3. Have facial mask.
  4. Lazy around and watch tv.
  5. A clean room to stay.

Thursday 21 October 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #13

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I get to finish Assassin Creed. Finally!~ ^o^
  2. Get to contribute a little bit to group project.
  3. Manage to take a good nap today.
  4. Learnt something in class.
  5. Get to play Ipad and Kirby! ^o^

Tuesday 19 October 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #12

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I managed to finish and hand-in my PED1 report today.
  2. Managed to study a few pages of notes.
  3. Get to relax.
  4. I am well and healthy.
  5. Get to play games and go online.
  6. Knowing what I want; do not give-in on being stepped-on by people. I deserve to be treated better.
  7. I accept the way I am.

Sunday 17 October 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #11

I am happy and grateful that...
  1. I still remember to update my blog.
  2. Managed to complete 50% of my PED1 report.
  3. Managed to contribute a little bit to my group project.
  4. Get to watch movies and play games.
  5. Him being by my side.
  6. Get to use internet.
  7. Eat well, managed to control a better diet.
  8. Listen to music.
  9. Joke around.
  10. Having supportive friends.
~^_^~

Sunday 10 October 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #10

oh uh.. now only reach the tenth day of my mission. =0

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I am now back at home..get to lazy around. xD
  2. Got hair treatment yday.
  3. Still learning to do better in my romance relationship.
  4. Still can sleep peacefully after a mosquitoes night attack!! @n@
  5. Plu had a good bath yday.
  6. My skin has improved after my body hormone has balanced up. =D

Saturday 2 October 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #9

So basically, I only get to blog when I got the chance to sit down and do my private stuff online. Otherwise, I only get to come online for studies purpose. TcT"

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I get to do facial today.
  2. Get to play Assassin Creed from his ps3.
  3. He still loves me.
  4. I'd drived safely back home.
  5. Happy to be alive! ^o^

Tuesday 28 September 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #8

I was not able to go online during the weekend as I was busy packing, cleaning, unpacking and preparation for my new semester in the uni. So, here is the continuation gratitude attitude practice..

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I am a certified Dendrographologist - passed the test!
  2. I am back at uni and manage to clean up and arrange everything in place.
  3. Doing my best for the internship report.
  4. Just managed to finish my presentation slide for tomorrow's industrial training presentation.
  5. My relationship with him have ups and downs, but we are able to sail through them.
  6. Drive safely on the road.

Friday 24 September 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #7

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I get to eat the black pepper fried spaghetti that I craved since last night.
  2. Manage to study and memorised a bit for dendrographologist certification test tomorrow.
  3. My new house's rabbit is all healthy, safe and sound.
  4. Eat curry chicken again.
  5. He still forgive and accept my flaws, and loving me.
  6. Finish with my mom the filing drawer level 1.

Thursday 23 September 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #6

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I get to attend Walton's investment talk and lunch today so that I can learn more about investments.
  2. A little progress with my mom for her filing.
  3. Exercise and stay healthy.
  4. Less procrastination today. Took actions for the important things.
  5. Still learning to be happy and seeing my own mistakes.
  6. He is all safe and sound.

Wednesday 22 September 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #5

I am happy and thankful that..
  1. I can be of help to my mom in her work, to share her burdens.
  2. Take care of my new house's rabbit.
  3. Get stamps from the company, that I used to have intern with, for the left out docs.
  4. Learn how to fill in the cash deposit envelope.
  5. A filling lunch.
  6. Lotza kids to hug to sleep.
Happy Mooncake Festival or Mid-Autumn Festival!~~

Tuesday 21 September 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #4

I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I get to work-out today.. and my leg can bare the strain.
  2. Eat nice organic fried-rice with curry for lunch.
  3. Fruit juice for dinner.
  4. Have a power nap before help my mom's office work.
  5. He still cares for me and jokes with me.
  6. The internet did not die on me..

Monday 20 September 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #3

Today, I am happy and grateful that..
  1. I get to rest at home today.
  2. My leg feels better a bit.
  3. Eat curry chicken for dinner.
  4. Watch Project Runway S8 E8.
  5. Listen to music with good headphone ( given my him, my hunny).

Sunday 19 September 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #2

I am grateful and happy that..
  1. My leg is well treated after being sprained.
  2. My mom care about me and my health.
  3. Get to eat fish head dish with my mom.
  4. Ate honey-dew with sagu and durian ice blended desert.
  5. I still can move my leg.

Saturday 18 September 2010

5 Things that I Am Grateful: Day #1

I am grateful and happy that..
  1. I can chat and share with my mom's problems and learn from her problems to overcome some of my problems.
  2. I get to share some nice video and tv show with my mom.
  3. Maid clean my room.
  4. Water to drink.
  5. Eat less, but healthier.
  6. Manage to read Kateikyoushi Hitman Reborn manga until the lastest series.
  7. Let myself lazy around at home.
Smiles... ^_^

Friday 17 September 2010

Lists of the things that I am thankful for..Day #0

I have not really been in touch with my soul, and depression symptoms seems to show. And after I suspected that the depression is coming back, I did tests from a few online websites to check whether I'm reverting back in that state. Looks like it though...I tried to search for help..but I realised that ranting to people on how I felt would not helped me. It only made me fall into a negative-habit-spiral. I truly feel and know that they care, but the only way to find happiness is from within me.

So a change of strategy. A motivating and aspiring book that I've read long time ago, Happy for No Reason, made one of its suggestions that listing all the things that I am grateful for today on everyday basis would be a baby step to happiness. So I am going to start this plan again. I've practiced this before, but what I did last time was verbally when wake up and before sleep everyday. However as time goes by, I got busy with my life, this habit seems to slipped out of me.

Here I am, going to start on an atleast-5-things-that-im-thankful-day-to-day-list for a period of 60 days (ie. 2months) in written-form. Hopefully, I may be a happier person by the end of the 60 days period.

For warm-up, today will be Day #0:-
I am grateful and happy that..
  1. I have manage to complete 12weeks of industrial training.
  2. Made a few friends from the internship.
  3. Having good lunch and filling dinner.
  4. That he still care and love me.
  5. Having a family, ie. mommy, father, sis.. etc.
  6. Completed the hardware circuit (for the internship company) that I spent so much effort on.
  7. Able to realise that I lost myself so much and wanting to be better.

This baby step is not that bad. Looks like I've managed to list more than 5 things. I am grateful about this too. ^_^

Being able to give myself credit and saying thank you to myself and things around me truly help to boost my self-image, -confidence, and -esteem.

Looking forward for tomorrow's list...

Monday 26 July 2010

The journey to my Heart.



Feeling stuck somewhere.
Wanting to get out. How?
Finding what’s most important to me isn’t helping.
Why clinging to such feelings?
Attachments.
Attachments are what made us suffer.
The greatest attachment is the ego.
The ego that makes you think whether
You deserve the respect, love, efforts put in, etc.
Being aware and be free of all these require a strong heart.
I want to be stronger.
I want to be able to smile like I used to smile,
When I was daring to smile even in my most hardest and trying times.
I want to be carefree again.
Watching and observing kids are such privilege in this grown-up world.
We all have choices in life.
Making wrong choices do not mean the end of the world.
Be brave enough to accept who we are.
Our flaws, our beauties, our families, our friends, and our enemies.
We are a part of One World.
Seeing ourselves within the universe humble us down.
We are but a tiny dust in this space and time.
Worry? Why worry?
Taking everything easily makes things far better and happier.
However easily they are, do it all with your heart.
Going with the flow, be part of nature.
Don’t you think we are much happier, feel more alive,
Smelling and feeling the refreshing wet air in the morning.
Appreciating the present moment.
That is what you called being alive.
Being aware of ourselves means being aware of our surroundings.
Be free of thoughts and feelings, these delusions.
Free at last, free at last!
I’ve finally found the light within myself.


~written by me~




~May you be well, peaceful and happy~


Saturday 1 May 2010

touching.. =c

To those who are married, .. Not married .. and
soon to be married, I hope you will be touched with this story...


MARRIAGE



When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.



Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.



She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why?



I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the
chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't
talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what
had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory
answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just
pitied her!



With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.



She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I
had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of
me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a
kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.



The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.



When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.



In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.



This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.



She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going
crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.



I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully..



My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we
both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy
in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to
the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in
my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about
the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the
office.



On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.



On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.




On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry
her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.



She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.



Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.



Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.



But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I
held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy.



I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not
want the divorce anymore.



She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have
a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on
our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.



Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.



At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my
wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.



That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I
run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.



The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot
give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend
and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a
real happy marriage!


If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.


If you do, you just might save a marriage.


Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they
were to success when they gave up.




-this story is from facebook =D

Wednesday 17 March 2010


Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. ~Veronica A. Shoffstall, "After a While," 1971

Friday 12 March 2010

How am I?



Dear blog, sorry for not writing for so long.

Recently I realized that I have some major changes on myself.

I’ve been emotionally unstable again. However, I did manage to get hold of myself and overcame my own insanity.

I’ve been losing my self-discipline lately. Did not take actions most of the time for the things that I want to do. Procrastination. I find it really hard to take the first step of self-discipline after losing it. I have not been hanging out with most of my friends that is precious to me.

I want to be able to quickly take actions on whatever decisions I made. I want to respect time. I want to be able to be more efficient in what I’m doing. I want to have less emotion down-turn. I want to smile more. I want to be happy always. I want to be less calculative. I want to always think positive. I want to be a smart learner. I want to be physically and mentally fit. I want to be surrounded by friends that can encourage and support whatever I do without any judgments on me. I want to be a good person. I want to be able to truly express myself how ever I want to without people judging me. I want to improve myself.

If today were my last day, what will I do? I do not know. Am I to spend my time doing the things I like most? Or spend doing things that is my duty but not something I truly want.

What do I want the most in life? I do not know. Maybe, just by being happy will do.

However, sometimes losing life’s purpose isn’t that bad: when once in awhile remembering things that I truly want and dreamt of in life, that will be a relief.

As for love life, I believed that I’ve found someone better and suited me better. However, life isn’t that easy even though a better person came into your life. My honeymoon period is over. It is time to come back to reality. I will do my best to learn and accept what he truly is (good and bad points). In this relationship, I’ve learnt more about perseverance, patience, tolerance, respect, non-judgmental attitude, etc. I am still not able to full be a good girlfriend, but I’m doing my best.

In addition, this relationship is objected by my father due to same surname. I truly hope that my father would be able to respect me as this is my own life. I respect his traditional point of view, but I hope that he can respect mine as well.

I know that I have not been tending the garden of my life that much. Too much weeds around now. Hopefully I would be able to take the first step and start a much-stronger-and-self-discipline-attitude.

That’s all for now.