Wednesday 16 April 2008

A wonderful breeze blowing on my skin~

Eto..

Recently, there has been many emotional ups and downs.
(Mostly due to love-life)
There has been sleepless nights.
There also has been nights with dreams of sadness,
woke up and found myself in tears during sleeps.
[LOL..u can call it sleep-crying. ^^"]
Gradually, my feelings towards such things became numbed.
Numbing it was the only way to move on my life better.
However, numbness seems to have caused
me to feel more "lost" within myself.
This only seem to hurt myself even more.
Just this evening, when I was on my way back from work(KUMON),
I heard this song from the radio.
This song suddenly warmed my heart.
Instead of crying again, I felt a sense of relief.
Instead of feeling missing a certain person even more,
I felt that I can love myself even more.
By loving myself more,
only then my love can overflow
and reach out to others as well.
Instead of thinking about the past,
I felt that I was more submerged in the present.
What a pleasant feeling.

I present to you...




Lyrics:
What If


Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change

Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind


What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change

Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine

'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know

This song voiced out my heart well. *^_^*

This is also dedicated to my love ones and all my beloved friends.


Tuesday 8 April 2008

Ups & Downs

Eto..

Today, woke up and received a message from a stranger. It said that I need to get my salary from my boss by noon.

Then, I go wash up and had break fast. I saw J online. He message me and made me feel ssong. xD

About 11.45am i went to take my salary.

On the way, I fell down by the road side. *embrassed* =u="

Reached there, the boss just went off. What a coincidence that I just came and he just went off. T.T"
I fell down for nothing. Now, my knee is kind of swollen. This all caused by my clumsiness. *cursed* =o="
So, i chatted with my supervisor while I waited for my lunch(take-away).

After that, went to KUMON chinese.

Then, I came back home and wait for mom to fetch me to get my hair cut & treatment.

In the saloon, had hair wash, scalp-treatment, hair-treatment, and hair cut.
The hair-stylist is a very busy person. While cutting, talking to other people. Cut cut cut. My hair getting less and less.
When finished, i thought it look OK.
However, when I came back home and look at myself more closely. My hair looked so fluffy. So little hair.
Haiz. I cannot complain much.
After all, I got this package for free.
My mom got lucky draw from Digi and got this hair treatment package that is worthed RM200++. ^^"


[ok..juz ignore my pose. There..see? my hair is fluffy. ToT"]



Before reached home, my mom dropped me at the kopitiam to get my salary.
Luckily, boss was over there.
Yeepee.. RM902.20
After all my hard work, my MONEY is here. TuT"



[I had to use my phone to take this 'coz my scanner spoil edi.]


Then, I came home and mind my own business. xD

That's all folks!!!! =D

Monday 7 April 2008

MONEY!

EWW..

i JUST CAN'T WAIT UNTIL MY SALARY IS OUT. >O<

IF OUT BY TODAY, TOMORROW I CAN GO YAMCHA AND GET MY TOY EDI. ToT"


patience patience patience.................


Tuesday 1 April 2008

Daisaku Ikeda

What is Happiness?


What is the purpose of life? It is to become happy. Whatever country or society people live in, they all have the same deep desire: to become happy.


Yet, there are few ideals as difficult to grasp as that of happiness. In our daily life we constantly experience happiness and unhappiness, but we are still quite ignorant as to what happiness really is.

A young friend of mine once spent a long time trying to work out what happiness was, particularly happiness for women. When she first thought about happiness she saw it as a matter of becoming financially secure or getting married. (The view in Japanese society then was that happiness for a woman was only to be found in marriage.) But looking at friends who were married, she realized that marriage didn't necessarily guarantee happiness.

She saw couples who had been passionately in love suffering from discord soon after their wedding. She saw women who had married men with money or status but who fought constantly with their husbands.

Gradually, she realized that the secret of happiness lay in building a strong inner self that no trial or hardship could ruin. She saw that happiness for anyone — man or woman — does not come simply from having a formal education, from wealth or from marriage. It begins with having the strength to confront and conquer one's own weaknesses. Only then does it become possible to lead a truly happy life and enjoy a successful marriage.

She finally told me, "Now I can say with confidence that happiness doesn't exist in the past or in the future. It only exists within our state of life right now, here in the present, as we face the challenges of daily life."

I agree entirely. You yourself know best whether you are feeling joy or struggling with suffering. These things are not known to other people. Even a man who has great wealth, social recognition and many awards may still be shadowed by indescribable suffering deep in his heart. On the other hand, an elderly woman who is not fortunate financially, leading a simple life alone, may feel the sun of joy and happiness rising in her heart each day.

Happiness is not a life without problems, but rather the strength to overcome the problems that come our way. There is no such thing as a problem-free life; difficulties are unavoidable. But how we experience and react to our problems depends on us. Buddhism teaches that we are each responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness. Our vitality — the amount of energy or "life-force" we have — is in fact the single most important factor in determining whether or not we are happy.

True happiness is to be found within, in the state of our hearts. It does not exist on the far side of some distant mountains. It is within you, yourself. However much you try, you can never run away from yourself. And if you are weak, suffering will follow you wherever you go. You will never find happiness if you don't challenge your weaknesses and change yourself from within.

Happiness is to be found in the dynamism and energy of your own life as you struggle to overcome one obstacle after another. This is why I believe that a person who is active and free from fear is truly happy.

The challenges we face in life can be compared to a tall mountain, rising before a mountain climber. For someone who has not trained properly, whose muscles and reflexes are weak and slow, every inch of the climb will be filled with terror and pain. The exact same climb, however, will be a thrilling journey for someone who is prepared, whose legs and arms have been strengthened by constant training. With each step forward and up, beautiful new views will come into sight.

My teacher used to talk about two kinds of happiness — "relative" and "absolute" happiness. Relative happiness is happiness that depends on things outside ourselves: friends and family, surroundings, the size of our home or family income.

This is what we feel when a desire is fulfilled, or something we have longed for is obtained. While the happiness such things bring us is certainly real, the fact is that none of this lasts forever. Things change. People change. This kind of happiness shatters easily when external conditions alter.

Relative happiness is also based on comparison with others. We may feel this kind of happiness at having a newer or bigger home than the neighbors. But that feeling turns to misery the moment they start making new additions to theirs!

Absolute happiness, on the other hand, is something we must find within. It means establishing a state of life in which we are never defeated by trials and where just being alive is a source of great joy. This persists no matter what we might be lacking, or what might happen around us. A deep sense of joy is something which can only exist in the innermost reaches of our life, and which cannot be destroyed by any external forces. It is eternal and inexhaustible.

This kind of satisfaction is to be found in consistent and repeated effort, so that we can say, "Today, again, I did my very best. Today, again, I have no regrets. Today, again, I won." The accumulated result of such efforts is a life of great victory.

What we should compare is not ourselves against others. We should compare who we are today against who we were yesterday, who we are today against who we will be tomorrow. While this may seem simple and obvious, true happiness is found in a life of constant advancement. And the same worries that could have made us miserable can actually be a source of growth when we approach them with courage and wisdom.

One friend whose dramatic life proved this was Natalia Satz, who founded the first children's theater in Moscow. In the 1930s, she and her husband were marked by Soviet Union's secret police. Even though they were guilty of no crime, her husband was arrested and executed and she was sent to a prison camp in the frozen depths of Siberia.

After she recovered from the initial shock, she started looking at her situation, not with despair, but for opportunity. She realized that many of her fellow prisoners had special skills and talents. She began organizing a "university," encouraging the prisoners to share their knowledge. "You. You are a scientist. Teach us about science. You are an artist. Talk to us about art."

In this way, the boredom and terror of the prison camp were transformed into the joy of learning and teaching. Eventually, Mrs. Satz even made use of her own unique talents to organize a theater group. She survived the five-year prison sentence, and dedicated the rest of her long life to creating children's theater. When we met for the first time in Moscow in 1981, she was already in her 80s. She was as radiant and buoyant as a young girl. Her smile was the smile of someone who has triumphed over the hardships of life. Hers is the kind of spirit I had in mind when I wrote the following poem on "Happiness":

A person with a vast heart is happy.
Such a person lives each day with a broad and embracing spirit.
A person with a strong will is happy.
Such a person can confidently enjoy life, never defeated by suffering.
A person with a profound spirit is happy.
Such a person can savor life's depths
while creating meaning and value that will last for eternity.
A person with a pure mind is happy.
Such a person is always surrounded by refreshing breezes of joy.


This short essay is adapted from..
http://www.ikedaquotes.org/contents/short_essays/happiness.html

There's also another meaningful essay "on Women's Beauty" in the website.
Also, check out all those quotes.
Truly inspiring.

.:One step at a time:.

Eto..

Finally I’ve stop working as a waitress.

Many things happen.

Many things I’ve learnt.

Many things brought me to self realisation.

Many things I’ve seen.

Although it seems like a month experience is very insignificant compared to the real world, I think that it has helped me understand the meaning of life a little better.

I’ve also came to understand human relation a little more.

I’ve learnt my own strenght and weakness a little more.

I’m still thriving to break away from my own shell to be a better person.

Along this one month, I may find that this job doesn’t suit me. It may be my first and last time working as a waitress. However, I still find it satisfying to be able to go through and experience something different from my own comfort zone.


Still learning…




Here are some pics:


[LOL.. me in my uniform..i look so noob. xD]
{i asked my morning shift supervisor to take photo for me. =P}


I always listen to this song during night shift work.
Inspiring and encouraging~