Friday 31 July 2009

Twain

This post was supposed to be posted earlier. However, I had to wait for sha zhu to upload the pictures and send them to me. So, it ended up 3 weeks later. (This post is to be dated on 9th of July 2008)

So far, I’ve not mentioned when sha zhu and I started back together. It was during last year around mid July that we decided to wait for each other, but we weren’t official for being together again. It was about the beginning of December 2008, when he came and visited me at my uni that it can be counted official, I supposed. 

Anyway, on 9th July, we were on a date and it was our 1st couple-wear day. We went out to sing karaoke together. Then went to Hor’s place, play some sports and dinner with sha zhu and Hor’s family.

Here is a picture of my watch taken with sha zhu’s phone during the karaoke session.

   


  
The below are a few pictures of us wearing our couple shirts on that day. The shirts were bought during my trip in Melaka with my uni friends. In addition, I have to give credit to Hor for helping us taking these pictures.


  

   

Cherishing every moment together~~

Tuesday 21 July 2009

Rest In Peace Grandpa

Wednesday 15th July,
When I was in the middle of work in my mom’s office, I’ve got news from my mom that my grandpa was in a critical condition. So, we rushed back home. My mom thought of going back to taiping alone with my auntie. However, news came that he left 1 day life. The doctor said that something had caused his blood contaminated and weakened/damaged his main organs in the body. So, the whole family went to taiping. Except for my grandma, she’s physically weak to handle the shock. We reached there about 7 or 8 evening. We were allowed to enter and visit him in the ICU one person at a time. When it was my turn, as I was standing by his bed side, I have no idea why, tears began to well up my eyes. He was already in coma. As if he was in a deep sleep.

Thursday 16th July,
After our breakfast, we went and visited him. I held his hand. I felt his hand’s muscle reacted, as if he was holding mine. His closed eyes moved a little at the same time. Somewhat, I felt that he knew my presence.
At noon, the doctor asked whether to take the risk for surgery or wait for his death. So, the elders in my family decided to take on the risk eventhough it just less than 10% chance.
The surgery was successful. The cause of the problem has been removed. He was saved but there’s still need to wait to overcome the critical time.
Everyone was happy and glad. However, this temporary relief had lead to further disappointment.

Friday 17th July,
After breakfast, we’ve received call from the hospital that the whole family needs to be there. The doctor said that his heart was getting weaker and anytime(less than 1 day) he can pass on. About 1.25pm he passed. My aunties told us that before he passed, they told him that he can peacefully move on and they will take care of my grandmother well. That’s when around that time he had passed.
Some were left behind to take care of hospital business and some went off to prepare for funeral procedures and ceremonies, newspaper publishes, tomb, etc.
I was one of those that stayed behind. We followed my deceased grandpa to the mortuary and then to my uncle’s home for funeral.
About evening, my grandma arrived. Initially, she looked calm. But as she was asked to see the deceased, she broke down to tears. It was a heart aching sight. All her children including my mother were crying and embracing her. Step by step she moved towards to coffin. At one point, before she reached the coffin, she was so scared that she dared not move towards it. Eventually, she came face to face with the deceased. Everyone was in tears. Truly a grieving scene. 
Later on, everyone calmed down and continue the funeral ceremonies. The ceremony will be held for 3days 2nights.

Saturday 18th July,
The ceremony continues. Many people were lack of sleep and looked tired.

Sunday 19th July,
The day of entombment. 
Everyone went and sent him off, except for grandma; she’s too weak to go.
The deceased will be having fire burial.
Most of us went back (KL) on the same day, including me. But I had to stay at grandma’s house for the night due to transportation convenience.
My mom and uncle stayed back to collect the deceased’s ash and handled a few minor funeral procedures the next day.

Monday 20th July,
My mom came and picked me up from grandma’s place, then sent my uncle back to Singapore.
Reached home about 9.30pm.


I’ve learnt a lot from this experience. Everything has a purpose in this life. I’ve gained many respects for the elders through this experience; I’ve learnt about funeral ceremonies; Learnt about letting go; Learnt about being true to one-self; Learnt about strength to move on; Learnt about religion and spiritual strength; and many more.

May my grandfather rest in peace.

Tuesday 7 July 2009

My New Watch!

My New Watch!
This is my second branded watch.
  
My first branded watch was BUM sports(don't know what model), got it when I was Secondary3(about 6/7years ago) with my own money.
  
This new one, I just got it today.
Let me show the specifications first before I present the model.
  
•. Shock resistant. •. LED light. Afterglow. •. World time. 29 time zones (48 cities), city code display, daylight saving on / off. •. 1/100-second stopwatch. Measuring capacity: 59'59 .99''. Measuring modes: Elapsed time, split time, 1st-2nd place times. •. Countdown timer. Measuring unit: 1 second. Input range: 1 minute to 24 hours (1-minute increments and 1-hour increments). Other: Auto-repeat. •. Daily alarms. 5 independent daily alarms. •. Hourly time signal. •. Edit: Button operation tone on / off, alarm beeper pattern (3 patterns), 12/24-hour format, 00-second animation on / off. •. Full auto-calendar (to year 2099). •. Regular timekeeping. Analog: 2 hands (hour, minute (hand moves every 20 seconds)). Digital: Hour, minute, second, pm, month, date, day. •. Accuracy: ± 30 seconds per month. •. Approx. battery life: 2 years on SR726W X 2. •. Size of case / total weight. 44.9 X 39.5 X 13.5 mm / 35 g.
  
Nice?
I think it is awesome. ^_^
How does it look like?
 
 
*My phone spoiled - cannot take the picture of my watch with me, plus lazy to search for camera to take and load into the pc. So, I'm taking the google's model pics for display.*
  
The model that I got is BG-92L-7BDR, while the displayed pic above is BG-92L-7B.
 
Anyway, the retail price is about RM399.00.
(But the online price I saw was way more expensive)
My mom used her coupons for eCosway to redeem.
So, I got this for free! ^o^
Awesome!
 
It looks great!
Awesomely light(as in weight)!
Cool features!
Small enough to fit my wrist! 
Suitable for sports!
 
Envious ler~~

Saturday 4 July 2009

Happy 2nd Anniversary J-kun!


Despite my solemn post below,
I would like to have a toast to our 2nd year of anniversary.
May we be well, happy and peaceful.
Love you with my heart.



Moments of reflection



Recently, I've been feeling low self-esteem. In reflection of my past mistakes, these made me feel helpless, ashamed, low-confident, misunderstood, lost and lowly.
The usual me, of looking highly upon myself, is non-existence at the moment. Why do I suddenly feel this way?

There are many things that I can blame and justify on. However, I must face the fact that there are many things that I've done wrong. Events like hurting others, embarrassing moments, and shameful behaviors of the past are haunting me bit by bit as I am less occupy in my life. Those acts that I had unintentionally put upon others and myself made me feel regretful. I admit that my character is dominated by my emotions. After what has already done, I only realised what I should have not.

Honestly, I totally hated being judge and compare that it has resulted me to react unfavourably, which lead to my past mistakes. I thought that if I build up the wall from wanting people's acceptance and be colder that I would be free from being hurt. That’s why I am always being called the loner. But now, looking at myself, I've hurt others at the same time I've hurt myself even more. If I were to break this cold wall, it will be too overwhelming. Will I be able to handle it?

In perspective, I always behave differently in front of my mom, my family and friends. Whenever I am around my lover and friends, I am being someone that I like - I am not saying that those are not who I am, just that that environment helped me to behave favourably. On the other hand, my family, I always felt like I am being judged and compared. That frustrated me a lot. How do I show who I really am? How do I be my natural self? I was not happy in this environment. It made me felt like I am not part of the family, eventhough it is called family by blood-relation. In fact, I would feel more like a family with my friends. They just accept who and what I really am. I felt the unconditional love and acceptance from my close friends instead the blood-related ones, except for my mom only. Is it wrong for wanting to be accepted?

But in truth, I know that those perspectives are bias. I am also at fault. Why am I so sensitive? Why am I so desperate for acceptance? Why can't I be more open minded? Why can't I react in a more favourable way when things aren't in my way? I thought that I was optimistic enough, but this part of me was not. I thought I was open minded enough, but this part of me was not. This side of me has not met up to my own expectations. In the past, I've always look up to people's expectations and I was always their favaourite. I came to realise how unhappy I was. Instead, I've built up my own expectations to fulfill. I want to satisfy myself instead of satisfying others. Unbelievably, I am happier when I am chasing after my own odds than others. What should I do now to be considered as doing the right things? The answer is to be unveiled by myself along the journey of my life, and not by others for me to know.


In resolute to all my past mistakes, I truly would like to change myself, learn from my mistakes and be a better person. I've been trying to be a better person and learn from my mistakes since I was about 13 years old. However, now, I've realised I have not been doing my best. I thought that I am honest enough, but I was not honest to myself. I have been in self-denial and was not able to see myself in full perspective. I was not what I thought I was. It hurts me so much at how the family members view me as. The personalities and characteristics that I am not and wish not to show are right in front of their eyes. What more can I do? For things to change, first I must change.

 

 
So, now, I would like to humbly place myself anew. I would like to change into a better person. Hope that I have the patience and the endurance to go through this metamorphosis and come out as a better and more beautiful person in the heart. I am ready to face this challenge. 'Am going to break the cold wall in my heart and be warm to my family again when the time is ripe. What are my plans for achieving this desire?

My first step, I am learning to forgive my father. Second, learn to respect my elders more. Third, have better control over my emotions. Learn to be a better listener. Be less offensive and defensive. Smile more to them. Think before act. Etc.

I am going to devote myself to this and will do my best. I will learn to love myself and others more.